It’s been entirely too long since I’ve written anything. Sometimes, I forget that writing still remains as my best source of grief therapy. No matter how much I stay busy being a mother, wife, etc., I need to take the time to write. Expressing my thoughts through my own words written on paper or typed on a computer have saved me and I am going to try to do more of it……………….
September 11, 2001……I can remember the day like it was yesterday. It was a beautiful, sunny and warm morning. I was driving to work when a news flash was announced on the radio, “A plane has crashed into the World Trade Center.” Like many others, I thought it was an accident or a mechanical problem with the plane. I continued to listen intently to the radio station announcer. “Another plane has flown into the World Trade Center.” Another plane? This was, obviously, not a mechanical problem. Was it the end of the world? For a brief moment, I did think that Judgement Day had arrived. As the minutes and hours went by on September 11, 2001, I continued to watch the tv in horror; I couldn’t stop watching it. All I could think about were the people who died tragically and their devastated families. There was not one person on that day who thought their life was going to end not long after entering the doors of those buildings. There was not one family who knew that they would never see their loved one again. Other than the horrific individuals that caused this tragedy, no one knew that the entire world was going to change that day. And, I had no idea that just 9 years later in the month of September we would be facing Kayla’s last days on earth.
I, also, remember another significant day; July 3, 2010. After some blood work was completed for Kayla, I was contacted by her doctor and was told to get her to the ER immediately and to be prepared for a blood transfusion. Later that day, her doctor walked into her hospital room and said those dreaded words that no parent wants to hear, “We believe she has acute myeloid leukemia.” We were both shocked. I was speechless and before I could say anything, Kayla asked, “Cancer?” .The doctor replied with a heart-breaking, “yes.” Kayla and I held hands and through fear, shock, and tears, we tried to process this devastating news we had been given. That day changed our lives forever.
September 22 is just days away. It will be 4 years since I’ve seen Kayla. I still can’t believe that so much time has gone by since she died. But, this year will be a little different. On September 23, Allison will be one day older than Kayla was when she passed away. Allison is 17; Kayla was 17 when she died. I didn’t even realize this until Allison told me. As a bereaved mother, I can get caught up in my own heartache and, at the same time, forget that Kayla’s sisters grieve for her, too. I feel terrible for doing that to them. And, I wish I could take all of their pain away. But, we all wish that Kayla was here with us.
In a blink of an eye…..in an instant a person’s life can change forever…….And, while I was closing this post, I looked at the clock. What time was it? 9:11.