Facing Another Mother’s Day

Here it comes…….another Mother’s Day to endure.  I will thoroughly enjoy spending it with Allison and Ashley.  They are the reason I keep going each day.  Actually, the best Mother’s Day gift I could ever receive is for them to live long, healthy and happy lives without heartache, disappointment or….cancer.  But, it’s simply incomplete without Kayla…….I am so blessed and grateful for my mother and everything she has done for our family. She has been there for me through it all.  She has never judged me when I’ve made mistakes.  She catches me when I fall.  She listens to me when I’m sad, angry or disappointed.  She is the strongest Christian I know.  I know many people that are without their mother’s right now.  I am so very thankful to still have my mother and I love her very much.

When I started my blog so many months ago, my intentions were  to write my way through this grief process and hope to find other mom’s that have, also, experienced the loss of a child due to cancer.  Thankfully, writing continues to help me and gives me some comfort.  I can be in a puddle of tears, begin writing and, before I know it, I will pull myself out of sadness and despair.  But, what I am most grateful for is the opportunity I’ve had to meet other mom’s like myself.  They live in different parts of the country and in Canada.  I have not met any of them face-to-face; I’ve met them through my blog or found their blogs about their own tragic loss of a child with cancer.  But, we have each experienced a heartbreaking, life changing event that no mom, parent, or human ever wants to be part of.  And, as a new Mother’s Day approaches on May 13, I began thinking about these courageous mothers and how difficult it is for all of them to get through another significant holiday.  These are beautiful women that have heard the words, “your child has cancer.”  These mom’s have sat up all night in a hospital room because their child was too sick to sleep.  They watched numerous medications, chemotherapy, radiation and more work its way through their child’s sick and frail body while waiting and watching helplessly for a miracle.  They’ve listened to various oncologists try to explain the status of their child’s cancer treatment when it seemed more like a prognosis guessing game.  They’ve cleaned up vomit, bathed their child while trying to not get their I.V. wet, waited patiently for a nurse when you’ve called them 100 times or more, begged their child to eat the hospital food when you would not eat it yourself, encouraged their child to get up and, at least, take a walk down the hallway just because they have been lying in a hospital bed for days.  And, these mother’s have spent hours on their knees praying and bargaining with God to heal their baby.  There was, also, a life outside of the hospital where their other children and husbands needed them, a necessary job was put on the back burner, chores needed to be done, errands, homework, bills were due, discipline, attention and more were all waiting.  They constantly worried themselves about how to balance all of it and always felt guilty because they couldn’t find a way to be with everyone at the same time.  And, then, there is the day they had to let go of their child with cancer…… forever.  That day haunts them continuously; maybe once or a million times a day.  And, even though these mother’s have been through the worst of the worst, the one thing they are grateful for is the precious time they had with their child before they died.  Now, they can look forward to the day when they will see their children again.  I did not choose to be part of this group of mother’s.  But, as of September 22, 2010, I became a lifetime member.  Unfortunately, there are more and more mother’s losing a child to cancer everyday.  There are just too many mother’s that will wake up today without all of their children to celebrate Mother’s Day.  And, as you are honoring your mother this Mother’s Day, please remember these mom’s that would give anything to just have one more hug, one more conversation, one more goodbye or just one more moment with the child they lost.

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About MomMinus1

Welcome to my blog, momminus1 (mom minus one). I am a mother of three beautiful girls, Kayla 17, Allison 13 and Ashley 5. One of my daughters recently became an angel; Kayla passed away on September 22, 2010 due to complications from AML leukemia. She was diagnosed on July 3, 2010. She endured harsh chemotherapy treatments, hair loss, rare and painful skin disorders, horrible stomach infections, weakness, loss of appetite, depression, anxiety and fear. From the time she was diagnosed until the day she died it was just 81 days..... A short, but, horrific battle with cancer. I am always asked, "How are you doing? What can I do for you? How are your two girls doing?" At times, these are tough questions to answer. And, I express myself best when I write. Writing is so helpful and therapeutic for me. Maybe I can answer these questions for those that are concerned about us. Maybe I can help another mom that might wake up tomorrow and find out that their child is diagnosed with cancer. Maybe there is a mom somewhere, like me, that just lost a child to cancer and is searching the web for answers. She might be thinking, "Is there anyone out there that understands what I'm going through?" I understand. I am grieving. I am in pain. I have a big piece of my heart that is now gone.....I would love your feedback about my blog, too. Thanks for reading!
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11 Responses to Facing Another Mother’s Day

  1. sally beechner says:

    As always, Amber, you manage to put things into such critical perspective. I know the thought of seeing your girl again gives yoiu immeasurable hope, as it does for me and my son. I pray God woould continuie to encourage and strengthen you so that you may continue your important ministry. Thank you for all you do, Love you, Sally Beechner.

  2. Jessa says:

    Amber, Thinking about you and all of these mothers.

  3. I, too, wish no one had to join this club. Hugs to you on this Mother’s Day.

    • MomMinus1 says:

      It truly is the “worst club ever.” But, you and all the mom’s that are without all of their children today will be in my thoughts and prayers.

  4. Cyndi Amerson says:

    That is so touching, everything, you said. What you said about your Mother was so beautiful, and true, she deserves the praise! I will never understand this life and why it has to be so much hurt, but I know in the life to come it will be perfect, just like your love is for Kayla now, perfect! Thinking of you and Kayla always. Love, Cyndi

    • MomMinus1 says:

      Thank you, Cyndi. I know that not only are you missing your mom today, but, you miss her everyday. You are in my prayers. Happy Mother’s Day! Love ya….

  5. judy says:

    amber, your word are so special, you have a gift. i know today was epecially hard and i pray for strength for all of you. you know i love you and am here for you anytime. your second mom, aunt judy!!

  6. Susan B says:

    Amber, ‘Tis a beautiful photograph you’ve posted. Bittersweet.

  7. Melissa A. Bowen says:

    I know you may not always feel like it, but you really are a strong woman and such a blessing to others going through the same struggles. I enjoy reading your blog and would to continue receiving your posts this summer. Here is my home email address: melissabowen@comcast.net.

    • MomMinus1 says:

      Thank you so much for all of the nice things you’ve said about my blog. Thank you for all that you have done for Ashley, too. You are a wonderful teacher!! We appreciate you so very much 🙂

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