Here it comes…….another Mother’s Day to endure. I will thoroughly enjoy spending it with Allison and Ashley. They are the reason I keep going each day. Actually, the best Mother’s Day gift I could ever receive is for them to live long, healthy and happy lives without heartache, disappointment or….cancer. But, it’s simply incomplete without Kayla…….I am so blessed and grateful for my mother and everything she has done for our family. She has been there for me through it all. She has never judged me when I’ve made mistakes. She catches me when I fall. She listens to me when I’m sad, angry or disappointed. She is the strongest Christian I know. I know many people that are without their mother’s right now. I am so very thankful to still have my mother and I love her very much.
When I started my blog so many months ago, my intentions were to write my way through this grief process and hope to find other mom’s that have, also, experienced the loss of a child due to cancer. Thankfully, writing continues to help me and gives me some comfort. I can be in a puddle of tears, begin writing and, before I know it, I will pull myself out of sadness and despair. But, what I am most grateful for is the opportunity I’ve had to meet other mom’s like myself. They live in different parts of the country and in Canada. I have not met any of them face-to-face; I’ve met them through my blog or found their blogs about their own tragic loss of a child with cancer. But, we have each experienced a heartbreaking, life changing event that no mom, parent, or human ever wants to be part of. And, as a new Mother’s Day approaches on May 13, I began thinking about these courageous mothers and how difficult it is for all of them to get through another significant holiday. These are beautiful women that have heard the words, “your child has cancer.” These mom’s have sat up all night in a hospital room because their child was too sick to sleep. They watched numerous medications, chemotherapy, radiation and more work its way through their child’s sick and frail body while waiting and watching helplessly for a miracle. They’ve listened to various oncologists try to explain the status of their child’s cancer treatment when it seemed more like a prognosis guessing game. They’ve cleaned up vomit, bathed their child while trying to not get their I.V. wet, waited patiently for a nurse when you’ve called them 100 times or more, begged their child to eat the hospital food when you would not eat it yourself, encouraged their child to get up and, at least, take a walk down the hallway just because they have been lying in a hospital bed for days. And, these mother’s have spent hours on their knees praying and bargaining with God to heal their baby. There was, also, a life outside of the hospital where their other children and husbands needed them, a necessary job was put on the back burner, chores needed to be done, errands, homework, bills were due, discipline, attention and more were all waiting. They constantly worried themselves about how to balance all of it and always felt guilty because they couldn’t find a way to be with everyone at the same time. And, then, there is the day they had to let go of their child with cancer…… forever. That day haunts them continuously; maybe once or a million times a day. And, even though these mother’s have been through the worst of the worst, the one thing they are grateful for is the precious time they had with their child before they died. Now, they can look forward to the day when they will see their children again. I did not choose to be part of this group of mother’s. But, as of September 22, 2010, I became a lifetime member. Unfortunately, there are more and more mother’s losing a child to cancer everyday. There are just too many mother’s that will wake up today without all of their children to celebrate Mother’s Day. And, as you are honoring your mother this Mother’s Day, please remember these mom’s that would give anything to just have one more hug, one more conversation, one more goodbye or just one more moment with the child they lost.