Easter 2011

Easter Weekend 2011……it’s much more difficult to handle than I anticipated.  And, my sadness is not because I can’t give Kayla an Easter basket this year.  It was 7 months ago yesterday that she passed away, which just happens to be on the same day that we observe Jesus’s crucifixion; Good Friday.  Each time I have ever heard or read about how Jesus was crucified, including in the movie, “The Passion of the Christ,” I am overwhelmed with sadness and moved to tears due to this horrific event.  But, today, I can look at it with more emotion than ever before.  I can see some similarities between Kayla and the death of Christ.  ***I am not trying to put my daughter as Jesus’s equal or worship her by any means.***  However, when I think back to the last week of Kayla’s life, there were things that happened that reminded me of Jesus’s last week of His life, crucifixion and death.  I did not realize it at the time, but, her hospital bed was almost like her cross to bear.  When the doctors ordered her to be admitted into ICU, two nurses and I took the very long walk from her room to ICU while pushing Kayla in her bed….similar to Jesus carrying His cross through the streets of Jerusalem to the execution site; John 19:17.  Numerous drugs were administered, treatment plans escalated, and eventually a ventilator was connected all while she suffered and became weaker by the moment…..similar to Jesus being nailed to the cross; John 20:25.  Kayla was not allowed to eat or drink anything by mouth.  And, at one of her weakest moments she began begging the nurses for a popsicle because she was so thirsty……similar to Jesus’s statement as He was taking His last few breaths, “I am thirsty,” John 19:28.  We waited and at the same time we were hoping for a miracle.  Something told me to send Allison a text message to tell her that I loved her.  I received Allison’s response that she loved me, too…..I closed my phone and then immediately Kayla’s blood pressure dropped until she stopped breathing………”It is finished,” John 19:30…………”Then He bowed His head and gave up His spirit,” John 19:30.  I now can understand how Mary felt as she stood by helplessly watching her son dying and there was nothing she could do to save Him…..I have often wondered, if at some point during her last few days of her life, did Jesus remind her of the following verse:  “Do not be troubled.  You trust God; now trust in me.  There are many rooms in my Father’s home and I am going to prepare a place for you.  If this were not so, I would tell you plainly.  When everything is ready, I will come and get you so that you will always be with me where I am.  And you know where I am going and how to get there” John 14:1-4………..I guess if you look at any event that happens in life, you can compare it to something biblically.  Maybe that was God’s plan after all.  And, somehow, I can find a little bit of comfort with these comparisons……My good friends Earl and Marianne Volpert started a scholarship in Kayla’s name at her school, Archer High School, which is called the Kayla Jones Memorial Scholarshiphttps://safesite.4agoodcause.com/gwinnett-schools-foundation/donation1.aspx         I was told that her high school had an awards ceremony a few nights ago.  There was a young lady that won Kayla’s scholarship.  I don’t know who she is, but, I hope I can meet her one day.  Was it God’s plan for Kayla to pass away so it would help this student pay for college?  I wish I knew the answer.  But, I am glad that there has been at least one blessing out of this tragedy and I will continue to pray for this young lady’s education and future.  Who knows?  Maybe she will become a Pediatric Oncologist one day…….We continue to take everything moment by moment.  Overall, we are just doing the best we can to cope with our loss of Kayla and we appreciate your continuous prayers.  She’s always in my thoughts and I miss her so much.  Please take the time to hug your kids a little more and a little tighter everyday.

Advertisements

About MomMinus1

Welcome to my blog, momminus1 (mom minus one). I am a mother of three beautiful girls, Kayla 17, Allison 13 and Ashley 5. One of my daughters recently became an angel; Kayla passed away on September 22, 2010 due to complications from AML leukemia. She was diagnosed on July 3, 2010. She endured harsh chemotherapy treatments, hair loss, rare and painful skin disorders, horrible stomach infections, weakness, loss of appetite, depression, anxiety and fear. From the time she was diagnosed until the day she died it was just 81 days..... A short, but, horrific battle with cancer. I am always asked, "How are you doing? What can I do for you? How are your two girls doing?" At times, these are tough questions to answer. And, I express myself best when I write. Writing is so helpful and therapeutic for me. Maybe I can answer these questions for those that are concerned about us. Maybe I can help another mom that might wake up tomorrow and find out that their child is diagnosed with cancer. Maybe there is a mom somewhere, like me, that just lost a child to cancer and is searching the web for answers. She might be thinking, "Is there anyone out there that understands what I'm going through?" I understand. I am grieving. I am in pain. I have a big piece of my heart that is now gone.....I would love your feedback about my blog, too. Thanks for reading!
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Easter 2011

  1. Sally Beechner says:

    I have also lost a child, to crib death, on Christmas morning, 3 months after he was born. This was over 30 years ago. Your pain refreshes mine and although I won’t compare losses, as yours was much deeper having had your child so much longer, I will say that your pain refreshes mine. Maybe that is the point….maybe we need to realize this life, this struggle that we are in is meant to share….with each other….until we no longer have to try to survive, but are in the presence of the One who will truly wipe away all our tears. Rick and my prayers are with you and your family, Sweet Amber.

  2. Stacey says:

    Praying for you. Thank you for being real and sharing your heart, and your hope.

  3. Diane says:

    Hallo. I am visiting from Becky’s blog at Just Being Me. Obviously, I was very touched by this post and I am so very, very sorry that you lost your much loved daughter at such a young age. I have two daughters, and I can’t imagine how you are coping. I thought your biblical comparisons to your daughter’s time in hospital were very interesting. They do say that God works in mysterious ways. I hope that you can find comfort in God’s love and in your faith. Blessings.

  4. judy says:

    amber, that was beautiful!!! there is nothing wrong with your comparisons. god does work in mysterious ways! i saw pat almany, my former neighbor, sat and her grandson dakota is gratuating this year. do you remember nwhen kayla had a crush on him when they were little. she was devastated when she heard about kayla. i thought she was going to cry. she said to tell you how sorry she is. take care sweetie and i love you all!!!

  5. Sandy Solano says:

    Hello, I just ran into your blog as I was searching the web for some answers on how to deal with this pain. I lost my 13 yr old son on Feb 18, he had a brain tumor. As I read your post I can relate to almost every word you write, Thank you for sharing your story.

  6. Brenda De Haai says:

    I too lost my son to cancer. He had AT/RT. He was diagnosed 11-26-10 and lost his very short battle on 2-16-11. He was 15 months old. I also can relate to the things you wrote. I miss him all the time.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s