Please don’t be afraid

As I continue through this grief process, I am always faced with new challenges or situations that I never expected.  We appreciate and cherish the outpouring of prayers, support and love from our friends and family.  I know you are always there if we need anything.  But, there have been a few times where I’m in an uncomfortable situation….or, maybe it’s just uncomfortable for the other person…..I passed someone that I knew in a store the other day.  We made eye contact and immediately this person dropped their head and avoided me.  I had not seen this person since Kayla passed away.  And, we really don’t know each other that well, anyway.  But, I think we know each other well enough to say, “Hello.”  I guess I could have been the one to initiate a greeting or conversation.  But, this person didn’t even give me a chance to say anything.  I wanted to say, “Hey!  How are you?  And, by the way, please don’t be afraid to talk to me because my daughter passed away.”  Maybe this person just didn’t know what to say.  I tried putting myself in their shoes.  What would I have said?  You don’t want to ask, “How are you?” because we all know how you are doing, as far as grieving.

This also reminds me of how Kayla felt when she would get out of her hospital room.  She was always required to wear a surgical mask whenever away from her room.  She had no hair and had to push an IV pole around with her everywhere she went.  People would pass her in the hallway and look at her and then turn away or look at her and smile.  She appreciated the smiles, but, did not like to be avoided.  It made her feel like she was contagious and it really hurt her feelings.  I told her that she needed to wear a shirt that said, “I have cancer and you can stop staring at me now.”

But, I will say that there are two things that have helped me during this grief process; writing and laughter.  I am really enjoying this blog and getting my emotions out through written or typed words.  However, if there is something that can make me laugh, I will take it in a heartbeat.  So, if you ever see me out somewhere and you don’t know what to say, you could simply tell me a joke or anything funny.  And, I love to people watch.  You could say, “Hey.  Did you see that funny lookin’ person over there?”  I know that’s probably not nice to do.  But, Kayla and I would do it all the time;it made us both laugh.  A simple, “Hello” is really okay and appreciated, too.  And, I promise, I won’t bite 🙂


About MomMinus1

Welcome to my blog, momminus1 (mom minus one). I am a mother of three beautiful girls, Kayla 17, Allison 13 and Ashley 5. One of my daughters recently became an angel; Kayla passed away on September 22, 2010 due to complications from AML leukemia. She was diagnosed on July 3, 2010. She endured harsh chemotherapy treatments, hair loss, rare and painful skin disorders, horrible stomach infections, weakness, loss of appetite, depression, anxiety and fear. From the time she was diagnosed until the day she died it was just 81 days..... A short, but, horrific battle with cancer. I am always asked, "How are you doing? What can I do for you? How are your two girls doing?" At times, these are tough questions to answer. And, I express myself best when I write. Writing is so helpful and therapeutic for me. Maybe I can answer these questions for those that are concerned about us. Maybe I can help another mom that might wake up tomorrow and find out that their child is diagnosed with cancer. Maybe there is a mom somewhere, like me, that just lost a child to cancer and is searching the web for answers. She might be thinking, "Is there anyone out there that understands what I'm going through?" I understand. I am grieving. I am in pain. I have a big piece of my heart that is now gone.....I would love your feedback about my blog, too. Thanks for reading!
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4 Responses to Please don’t be afraid

  1. judy says:

    beautifully written as usual!!!!! ill try to hear some jokes or emails to send you….love ya!!

  2. Cindy says:

    Just remember the “Barnstormer” roller coaster at Disney! I haven’t laughed that hard in ages! And it was great hearing YOU laugh at me screaming my head off!

  3. Sharon Jones says:

    That was awesome and very well stated. I’m like your other friends you must keep all these writings to publish one day. This will SSSOOO Help others. I just sent you an e-mail link to Dennis Swanberg. I’d heard that particular story before but he did it so awesome on that clip. I was planning on finding some of his stuff on youtube! Laughter is truly a wonderful medicine. God’s Word even talks about it in Proverbs!

  4. I want to say i share your pain, anger, frustration, and inability to understand why
    i just lost my baby girl esther luna at 3 years and 5 months
    and writing to her has been my therapy. keep writing and sharing
    blessings and i wish you strength and love thank god you have your other children she was my one and only

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