Three…

One, two, three….. beautiful girls.  My life has been blessed by my 3 children.  In the past, whenever I would meet someone new, I was always proud to say that I had 3 gorgeous girls.  But, what do I say now when I meet someone new?  I really don’t want to tell people that I “had” 3 girls and now I only have 2, because that is just not true.  You really don’t think about having to answer a question like that when you are a mother.  It is something that I have had to think about.  However, I know that I will always have 3 girls; now, one child is an angel in Heaven………

“Three” is not just the number of children I have, but, also the number of girls that I know that recently died this year due to complications from cancer; Kayla (age 17) in September, Ava (age 4) in October and Jessi (age 14) in November.  All three girls were just diagnosed this summer and received treatment at the same hospital around the same time.  And, they were each at different stages of their lives; Ava was just getting ready for Pre-K, Jessi was a young teen and getting ready for the 8th grade, and Kayla was looking forward to being a senior this year.  The classrooms are now empty without our 3 girls.

“Three” is also the number of mother’s of these angels.  And, I had the wonderful opportunity to visit with these moms earlier this week.  The last time I saw them, all of our children were still alive, but, very sick in the hospital.  We took care of our girls when they were too weak to eat, to walk, to talk or even to fight their illnesses.  And, when we would have those moments of meeting in the hospital hallway to compare notes about our girls, we each felt the same way; we just wanted our girls to be well and take them home.  There were times when we passed each other in the hall and we didn’t have to say anything to each other…..we just knew how the other one was feeling.  These women are beautiful Christian ladies and I will forever treasure their friendship.  I can’t wait to visit with them again……..

Jessi’s parents explained to me what Paul said in Philippians 3:14,  “I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”  As parents, we wanted “the prize” to be complete healing over our children.  Now, I believe that “the prize” was waiting for them in Heaven.

In recent news, Dr. William Petit lost “three” important people in his life; his wife and two girls (11 and 17) were murdered in their home by intruders.  I understand the grief I am going through from losing Kayla.  And, I can only imagine what this father and husband is going through.  I wanted to understand how he was coping, so, I watched an interview with him on Oprah.  He said something that I can completely relate to; he said, “There’s a hole, you know. The way I’ve imagined it straight through, it’s a hole with jagged edges and over time the edges may smooth out a little bit, but the hole in your heart and the hole in your soul is still there.” I understand this…..I have that hole in my heart and in my soul, too.  But, I also know that God understands how I’m feeling.  He knows the emptiness I have.  I, also, believe that Kayla knows how empty I am right now.  But, at the same time, I can always feel her right here with me wherever I am.

The other day, I was walking through my living room and noticed Allison’s childhood bible lying on the couch.  It was open to the back where there were colorful maps, which caught my eye.  A few minutes later, I walked back by the bible and it was turned to a different page.  The title of this page was, “Memory Verses For My Life.”  I knew it was a children’s bible, but, I wanted to read what it said.  I read through the verses and there were “three” that really spoke to my heart:

Psalm 37:5 “Depend of the Lord.  Trust Him, and He will take care of you.”

Philippians 4:6 “Do not worry about anything.  But, pray and ask God for everything you need.”

1 Peter 5:7 “Give all your worries to Him, because He cares for you.”

These verses seem so simple, but, very meaningful.  I can just hear Kayla reading this scripture to me………I miss my Kayla so much.

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About MomMinus1

Welcome to my blog, momminus1 (mom minus one). I am a mother of three beautiful girls, Kayla 17, Allison 13 and Ashley 5. One of my daughters recently became an angel; Kayla passed away on September 22, 2010 due to complications from AML leukemia. She was diagnosed on July 3, 2010. She endured harsh chemotherapy treatments, hair loss, rare and painful skin disorders, horrible stomach infections, weakness, loss of appetite, depression, anxiety and fear. From the time she was diagnosed until the day she died it was just 81 days..... A short, but, horrific battle with cancer. I am always asked, "How are you doing? What can I do for you? How are your two girls doing?" At times, these are tough questions to answer. And, I express myself best when I write. Writing is so helpful and therapeutic for me. Maybe I can answer these questions for those that are concerned about us. Maybe I can help another mom that might wake up tomorrow and find out that their child is diagnosed with cancer. Maybe there is a mom somewhere, like me, that just lost a child to cancer and is searching the web for answers. She might be thinking, "Is there anyone out there that understands what I'm going through?" I understand. I am grieving. I am in pain. I have a big piece of my heart that is now gone.....I would love your feedback about my blog, too. Thanks for reading!
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One Response to Three…

  1. Charlotte Martin says:

    Another beautiful peek into your heart! I love my “Six” girls….Cindy, Amber, Kayla, Allison, Ashley, Judy and Sybil….Love to all, Mom, Nana and Charlotte.

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